The History of Asia

First off, I can’t pretend like it didn’t happen. I know I have not written anything for you in two months and I have no excuse for that. I have been working on a new project launching in October that will blow your world apart so hopefully when that happens, you will be more understanding of my absence. There, we covered it. Moving on…

VH1 Classics is a wonderful time capsule of awful shit. If you want to see, re-live, better comprehend or, in this case, discover brand new shit, I highly recommend it. You see, this morning as I stumbled downstairs on a rainy Saturday, I plopped on my couch and turned it on. Luckily for me, I caught, what I consider to be, the worst music video ever made. Granted, it was made in the ’80′s and the bar was very low, but trailblazers can only be given so much slack. I mean, it’d be like Columbus discovering the wrong continent.

It’s by the group Asia whom is best known for their hit “Heat of the Moment” which comes off their very first record; the self titled “Asia,” released in 1982. “Heat of the Moment” was a smash hit reaching #1 on the Billboard charts along with the album it was the first cut on. The second cut off “Asia” was a song called “Only Time Will Tell.” It was also the first single they released before “Heat of the Moment.” It only reached #4 on the charts, but helped establish the band and carve the path “H.O.M.” would eventually blaze.

They got lucky. Because the video for “Only Time Will Tell” is fucking awful. Granted, MTV launched in August of 1981 (the same month I was born) and this video was released in the Spring of 1982, so really no one had any idea what they were doing, but that’s no excuse. Just watch:

I really hope you took the time to view that because two things will happen to you if you did: you will be blown away at how bad the video is, but at the same time, fall in love with the song. If you are male, a third thing will happen: you will spend three minutes and 57 seconds of your life trying to see through the woman’s white leotard. Don’t feel guilty. You can’t help it. My friend Kevin just told me that he caught himself trying to check out a girl’s ass as she drove past him the other day, but since it was impossible (seeing as she driving a car), he just stared at the rear bumper as it drove away. Our male minds know not how to handle these situations. Honestly, we’re just happy if they remind us when to shit so we don’t ruin our pants. That’s all we ask of our brains. Anything it wants to do beyond that, we have no control.

Anywho, on to the video. My argument is this: movies existed before music videos. People had a basic understanding of storytelling, ups, downs, etc. This is almost four minutes of the exact same thing and that thing isn’t even interesting. It’s a gymnast doing slow-motion flips, jumps, etc. over televisions that have the band on them, but if you pay attention to the band, they couldn’t look less interested in singing. At one point, they are standing with their arms crossed. But it’s not in a bad ass, Metallica stance. It’s in a “Sure, I’ll wait here while you try on 30 pairs of jeans, honey” kinda stance. They are bored by their own video.

The video itself was directed by Godley & Creme. They were an English duo that directed some pretty big videos in the early 80′s including Duran Duran’s “Girls on Film” and The Police’s “Every Breath You Take.” With this one, though, they phoned it in. Big time. And the bitch about the whole thing is that they also directed Wang Chung’s “Everybody Have Fun Tonight.” I won’t get into that video, but if you watch it, you can tell a lot of work went into shooting at editing. A lot more than they put into “Only Time Will Tell.”

If only Godley & Creme knew then what we know now — Asia was going to outlast Wang Chung. Hell, Asia has outlasted The Beatles, The Police, Nirvana, and a million other bands. Asia still tours, people! And not only that, there are TWO ASIAS! There’s the original band with all four original members touring again and then there’s a second Asia called “Asia featuring John Payne.” Payne is a bassist that joined the band in 1991 and just tours with the name Asia now. TWO FUCKING ASIAS! Take yourself back to 1982, turn on your cable box and watch “Only Time Will Tell.” Would you say to yourself “Wow, this band is so potent that in 26 years, they will have split apart like an amoeba and be rocking this planet in two separate forms?”

No, you wouldn’t. And that shows how very little you know about quality, long-lasting music. You need to be able to see the forest for the trees and recognize the artists that have longevity and the ability to persevere. Artists with talent beyond this world and who will still be in our lives 10, 20 or 30 years from now. Now if you will excuse me, I have a Danity Kane concert to get to.

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“Heat of the Moment” by Asia