Save Money. Get Eye-Raped.
Apr 06
I am not a fan of Wal-Mart. I don’t keep that secret. I feel that their business practices are, at best, despicable. I haven’t always felt this way, though. In college, I would take several trips a week to “Wally-world” because in the small town where I attended school, your options for one-stop shopping were as limited as my desire to support small business. The ability for me to buy pillowcases, a computer game, Pepsi, laundry soap and cell phone minutes all at the same place for such a suspiciously low price was enticing.
Since then, though, I have become much more educated in the ways of Wal-Mart and their recent lawsuit against a mentally incapacitated woman only adds fuel to my fire. Wal-Mart is a terrible company that fools consumers into believing that they are bettering the world all while, behind the curtain, they are destroying it. Do I sound extreme? Do the research and you’ll feel the same way.
So I found it amazing that a Super Wal-Mart being erected (and that word will be especially funny in a moment) in my town flew totally under my radar! I only caught wind of it when I heard about the Grand Opening about a month ago — and what a Grand Opening it was.
Local Man Caught Masturbating in Wal-Mart Parking Lot.
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Now, this story is basically funny on it’s own. There’s is nothing more I could add to it, so I will raise some questions:
In the piece, you will noticed that police claim he was trying to “finish to completion” even as they arrived on the scene. That alone is impressive. I have been sent into severe panics at just the thought of a roommate coming home early from work to catch me. This man was honored to have an audience.
Another impressive stat is that several people called 911 and he was still doing work when they arrived. That had to take ten minutes at the very least. Ten minutes! Most men can start and finish during the opening credits of “Silk Stalkings.” It’s an acquired talent. This guy had no idea what he was doing.
And finally, what was so appealing about this Wal-Mart? There’s wasn’t a bikini car wash going on. There wasn’t anything sexual happening. Hell, if you just scroll down a little further in that story, you will see the caliber of women coming in and out of that Wal-Mart. Maybe that’s what took him so long? You work with what you have.
So, in closing: Welcome to Granby, Wal-Mart.
We’ve got plenty more where that came from.
very perturbing!! Sick people in this world!!!
Say, isn’t this dude in fact Loretta Swit from TV’s “M.A.S.H”? I always wondered what one more surgery would do to her face and now I know. It’s the chin cleft thingy that gives it away…
Seriously though, a well timed pinky up the ass can often make the difference between a clean getaway and a public lewdness charge. I have the feeling though that this guy knows all about that, but actually *wanted* to get caught…
now i might be way off base here, but i may have the undisclosed reason for this un-timely but very necessary finish. and i’ve heard of something like this.
it began moments before while trying to alleviate some poor soul of their oral fixation and his own hornyness. in doing so, he was kind enough to remove taste from the whole equation. unbeknownst to him, poor fellow, the proper flavor to use is a fruity flavor or something sweet! Not cinnamon!! any flavor but cinnamon!!! and after, I’m sure panic at first, and much aggravation and despair, the only remaining conclusion that could be drawn would be to just take it back out and try to finish the job. how else was he to get that Tic-Tac out. might-as-well had been a red ant crawling in his penis.