Local Man Buys Entire Store

In a stunning move made today, local man Jim Rainer purchased everything in a local discount store. Rainer, a 28-year-old stock boy from Clay, descended upon The Christmas Tree Shops of Northern Lights Plaza in Syracuse Tuesday afternoon planning only to purchase a birthday gift for his mother.

My mom needed a birthday gift and I thought to myself ‘Well, Jim, that Christmas Tree place has a bunch of cheap stuff. I should go check it out’ so I did.

Upon further exploration of the store, Rainer discovered various trinkets and poorly made items that appealed to his budget and “probably” to his mother’s taste.

Rainer decided on a small figurine of an angel, a poster of a ghost wearing a pumpkin mask, a bag of holiday tinsel and two mismatched barstools for his mother’s 50th birthday.

I got to the counter and she rang it all up. It came to like 80 cents or something crazy like that.

As he opened his wallet, he discovered a $100 bill he had no idea existed.

I think I won it during Monday Night Football, but I have no idea. I pulled it out and jokingly said ‘I’ll take everything in the store’ and they said ‘OK!’ I swear to God, dude.

Promptly after Rainer made his buy, the workers locked the doors and started loading every item in the store onto palates and moved it to the loading dock. Rainer has been making trips between Northern Lights Plaza and his home in Clay non-stop for the last 26 hours using only his 1991 Volkswagen Jetta.

Carolyn Spives, a Christmas Tree Shops representative issued the following statement:

It is truly the largest purchase ever made at any of our establishments to date. Mr. Rainer has been contacted by the owners and personally thanked for his business. We at the Christmas Tree Shops value all of our customers and will have our Northern Lights Plaza location restocked with even shittier cheap shit as soon as we possibly can.

When asked what he plans to do with all these items, Rainer responded by saying,

Christmas!

In the distance, a trombone made a Whaa Whaaaa sound.