Do Something, Farmville Character!
Dec 01
All you do is sit around all day long until I get home and tell you what to do. God forbid you take a little initiative and harvest these crops while I am at WORK. You are not a puppet. You have a mind of your own, so do something around here for Christ sake!
I’m not asking much, just maybe rake up some leaves or collect a little horsehair. And really, how embarrassed am I that whenever someone comes over we have weeds, or crows. Then who looks like the shithead? Me! They all think it’s my farm, but we’re in on this 50/50, buddy. Who did I buy the cottage for? You! Who got a sweet new push lawnmower? You! Not that you would know how to use it.
And for the love of God, did you even notice that we have a cow in the top of our Dairy Farm? How the fuck did it get up there!? You’re walking around this place all day long. You didn’t stop for a second and think “wait a minute, there’s a 1,500 pound cow peaking his head out of a window that is barely big enough for a rabbit.” Who, by the way, are never in their cages!
So now I gotta come home, get out the fork lift and try to shimmy that fat ass out of the top of the Dairy Barn. Really, what a great way to end my day. And you just stood there looking at me like a retarded dog. Not even offering to help.
Last week when I was out of town and all that corn went bad, tell me why you didn’t harvest it in my absence. You have the harvester parked right there. You have a shed full of tools. You saw it turning brown and you didn’t do a God damned thing. Why? Because you’re an asshole.
Should I even mention the fact that now you’re buying Reindeer? What the fuck am I going to do with Reindeer? I’m not Kris Kringle. I have zero God damned interest in Reindeer, but now I have fifteen of them sitting on my property, eating my food and making piles of glorious Yuletide Reindeer shit that I have to shovel up.
And as if I don’t have enough work to do, anytime I am out on the farm, all your buddies keep sending me messages like “Hey, can you come help me out on my farm?” Are. You. Kidding. ME? These freeloaders can get right in line to kiss my ass — right behind you.
I feed you. I clothe you. I pick out your hair style and skin tone and all you do is sit around here all day long looking into the sky at an exact 45 degree angle? I’m sick of it. Either you start pulling your weight around here or I am shipping you off to Farmtown where the rest of the losers are.
Of course you would post this fantastic bitchfest about Farmville on my bday! Hilarious! I actually read it out loud at work and then all my coworkers had to go see it for themselves
clearly you need to start playing Sims, my friend. They actually listen. I mean, you can’t just leave them unattended or they’ll shit and piss themselves and then sleep in it, but there will be no reindeer or unexplained cows. I’ve got mine trained to take the garbage out, get up and go to work on time, and limbo between 5 gf’s at the same time. But the choice is yours, see ya tonight dude!